Gathering Thoughts

So many thoughts to recollect
From empty mind space, gone unchecked
Alone in silence I reflect
On my mindset in retrospect

So many aspects to assess
Of this lifestyle I've led, a mess
Hence why my spirit drowns in stress
And mindstate's begun to regress

I should realize that I'm blessed
First and foremost for most have less
As life on earth is but a test
And inner faith's key to success

Now I must embark to progress
Repress these thoughts aimed to depress
Unload these burdens from my chest
Let go of pain and all regrets

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Face The Truth

I run and hide away from truth
That cuts me deep down to the roots
I fear the bluntness of the facts
And cloud my mind, such lack of tact

I close my mind to all that is
My habitat? Ignorant bliss
For shame decomposes my heart
And the truth will rip me apart

I hold off doing the right thing
Time lost to procastinating
Lack of self confidence, my zeal
I feel the chances are not real

That I could make something of life
Redeem myself in a new light
The truth that haunts me still remains
"Every man is free, but in chains"

I run in folly but in chains
Afraid that truth will cause me pain
But no! I must face life head on
Be honest with myself for once

I must not fear what must be said
No more self-pity, tears to shed
For I will gain to taste the fruits
Once I accept the bitter truth

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Suicide

I am afraid to take my life
I'm not that brave to pick a knife
And plunge it deep into myself
I'm too concerned about my health

There's so much in this life to do
And all the things that I've been through
Are not enough reasons for me
To end it all in misery

What kind of selfish act would it
Be to cause pain on family
The ones that are there through it all
Who don't want to see my downfall

I do not own my flesh or soul
And every human faces ghouls
So who am I to now decide
To take my life based on my pride

A cowardly act to commit
When faced with fears you choose to split
Instead of facing life head on
Which overcomed will make you strong

You should be too busy to be
Depressed and dwell in self-pity
You should love your life just too much
Hold on to it in a tight clutch

For when you're gone your time is spent
Cut short and too late to repent
Your thoughts revolve around yourself
And you think of nobody else

There's more to gain in life, so live
Than to be dead and loved ones grieve
So when your time comes, 'least you tried
Than to be lost to suicide

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Right Now

Right now, I want to change my life, turn it around, take a new path
Right now, I want to be a man, free of self-pity, hate and wrath

Right now, I'm aware though I'm late, there's still a chance to change my ways
Right now, is the time that I should confront my fears, on my knees pray

Right now, I'm think of my life, and all the years now gone to waste
Right now, I know the clock's ticking, and to make it, I must make haste

Right now, depression and sadness are trying to take over my mind
Right now, is the time I will fight these demons trying to make me blind

Right now, I am aware that death creeps closer each and every day
Right now, is the time to take control of what I think, do or say

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

In My Dreams

She still exists within my dreams, for deep inside I can't let go
I've moved on, to the world it seems, but love for her's locked in my soul
For many come and I distance the potentials away from that
Which I protect, reserved for her still is my fragile beating heart

Reality says to me 'She has moved on, and you should too'
The world tells me that opening up is now the best thing to do
But while I sleep she lays by me, and my subconscious speaks to her
Still somehow bound by chains of guilt, she's close to me, but yet so far

She randomly appears to me and my heart wishes she was real
Re-enacting what I would say to her if she was standing still
In front of me, to hear the words the somehow tries to clutch at straws
But nothing comes out of these dreams each time like somehow I foresaw

I know the truth and that is set and sunk in me cemented, known
And since the days of the folly I lived in, I've moved on and grown
Aware and conscious of my words, my actions, self control I've gained
From anger, all that nearly cost me all I had, I now refrain

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Maintain Morals

I was brought up in a household, where high standards were held and met
By parents from different backgrounds, where morals and respect were kept

Within the boundaries of home, that habitat where I was taught
About what was right and wrong in life, prevent unnatural thoughts

I will not let this world control, the mindset intended for me
By those who nurtured, trained my soul, to survive independently

I will not succemb to the ways, of those who have been led astray
The sheeps of the changes in times, that follow sin, both night and day

The lack of basic morals lost, like ancient scrolls beneath the past
Replaced by so called freedom to express the inner lust, alas

The ones outcasted now outcast the one's that outcasted the lost
And those now outasted are deemed to be the lost by those who lust

But teachings taught by my parents, will stay protecting me from sin
Like a secret guide my through the darker days, strengthen my chin

To take the knocks, the blows that life should try to deal me, yet stay strong
Ensure my heart sings proudly all that's taught to me, in zealous songs

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Re-Assess

I have decided to remove myself from circles I was in
To take some time to sort myself out, cleanse my spirit from within
I am aware the time is now to make a move, and join the race
Of life in which I've lagged behind, I must make haste, pick up the pace

There's no more time to waste on nothing, No time to procastinate
But study, read and learn I must to improve what I explicate
Regain control of what I think and feel, perceptions of this life
Make up my mind, and gain knowledge, intellectually to survive

Each day I live, I am aware that I am closer to my death
Unsure of when it'll come, or how, dreading the fact I'll have my wreath
So stall in progress is a crime I must no longer here commit
But exercise my mind, train my thoughts till the day I and fate meet

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Return

I'm sorry that I've been away for the past 2 months I have strayed
From what kept me sane in my brain, I wo't let that happen again

I tried to fit in with the world, tried to socialize so I hurled
Myself into some new circles, I felt I shouldn't be fearful

But I still saw the taunting face, the world projects whene'er I place
My perceptions into debates, to which some people can't relate

Slowly I learnt to reign in thoughts, and restrain feelings in my guts
And learnt not everyone will judge, and not to fear, but to go forth

I tried to search for love, but failed, the love from the past's ship has sailed
So now I decide to return, to the cave where my passion burns

To gather my thoughts and prepare, for whatever awaits out there
For me and grow into the man, that I tell the world that I am

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)