Secure

I've had enough of mucking 'bout
Wasting my time like a street tout
When there are priorities to face
My time so far has gone to waste

I tried to place the nice guy card
And so far blows have been dealt hard
Thrown in my face with no returns
Invested effort, time, all burned

So rather than dwell in regret
I shall now proceed to forget
And focus on me and my path
Calculate my plans, just like math

So back into my mind, retreat
With my pride, though not a defeat
Knowing now I'm out of the heat
My heart's still secure, safe, complete

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Forgive Myself

I've reached the edge of the world where
I'm out of reach of faith and care
Unsure of what hope means to me
Too numb to dwell in misery

Aware that time has passed me by
Afriad of where my future lies
Now is the time that I must heed
All the advice that I now need

Now is the time to let it go
For only then will I now know
The power of my inner strength
And stay forgiven for the length

The lifespan left that's lent to me
Myself I should forgive, be free
For now I trap, punish myself
Regret brings down my mental health

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Gathering Thoughts

So many thoughts to recollect
From empty mind space, gone unchecked
Alone in silence I reflect
On my mindset in retrospect

So many aspects to assess
Of this lifestyle I've led, a mess
Hence why my spirit drowns in stress
And mindstate's begun to regress

I should realize that I'm blessed
First and foremost for most have less
As life on earth is but a test
And inner faith's key to success

Now I must embark to progress
Repress these thoughts aimed to depress
Unload these burdens from my chest
Let go of pain and all regrets

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Face The Truth

I run and hide away from truth
That cuts me deep down to the roots
I fear the bluntness of the facts
And cloud my mind, such lack of tact

I close my mind to all that is
My habitat? Ignorant bliss
For shame decomposes my heart
And the truth will rip me apart

I hold off doing the right thing
Time lost to procastinating
Lack of self confidence, my zeal
I feel the chances are not real

That I could make something of life
Redeem myself in a new light
The truth that haunts me still remains
"Every man is free, but in chains"

I run in folly but in chains
Afraid that truth will cause me pain
But no! I must face life head on
Be honest with myself for once

I must not fear what must be said
No more self-pity, tears to shed
For I will gain to taste the fruits
Once I accept the bitter truth

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Suicide

I am afraid to take my life
I'm not that brave to pick a knife
And plunge it deep into myself
I'm too concerned about my health

There's so much in this life to do
And all the things that I've been through
Are not enough reasons for me
To end it all in misery

What kind of selfish act would it
Be to cause pain on family
The ones that are there through it all
Who don't want to see my downfall

I do not own my flesh or soul
And every human faces ghouls
So who am I to now decide
To take my life based on my pride

A cowardly act to commit
When faced with fears you choose to split
Instead of facing life head on
Which overcomed will make you strong

You should be too busy to be
Depressed and dwell in self-pity
You should love your life just too much
Hold on to it in a tight clutch

For when you're gone your time is spent
Cut short and too late to repent
Your thoughts revolve around yourself
And you think of nobody else

There's more to gain in life, so live
Than to be dead and loved ones grieve
So when your time comes, 'least you tried
Than to be lost to suicide

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Right Now

Right now, I want to change my life, turn it around, take a new path
Right now, I want to be a man, free of self-pity, hate and wrath

Right now, I'm aware though I'm late, there's still a chance to change my ways
Right now, is the time that I should confront my fears, on my knees pray

Right now, I'm think of my life, and all the years now gone to waste
Right now, I know the clock's ticking, and to make it, I must make haste

Right now, depression and sadness are trying to take over my mind
Right now, is the time I will fight these demons trying to make me blind

Right now, I am aware that death creeps closer each and every day
Right now, is the time to take control of what I think, do or say

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

In My Dreams

She still exists within my dreams, for deep inside I can't let go
I've moved on, to the world it seems, but love for her's locked in my soul
For many come and I distance the potentials away from that
Which I protect, reserved for her still is my fragile beating heart

Reality says to me 'She has moved on, and you should too'
The world tells me that opening up is now the best thing to do
But while I sleep she lays by me, and my subconscious speaks to her
Still somehow bound by chains of guilt, she's close to me, but yet so far

She randomly appears to me and my heart wishes she was real
Re-enacting what I would say to her if she was standing still
In front of me, to hear the words the somehow tries to clutch at straws
But nothing comes out of these dreams each time like somehow I foresaw

I know the truth and that is set and sunk in me cemented, known
And since the days of the folly I lived in, I've moved on and grown
Aware and conscious of my words, my actions, self control I've gained
From anger, all that nearly cost me all I had, I now refrain

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Maintain Morals

I was brought up in a household, where high standards were held and met
By parents from different backgrounds, where morals and respect were kept

Within the boundaries of home, that habitat where I was taught
About what was right and wrong in life, prevent unnatural thoughts

I will not let this world control, the mindset intended for me
By those who nurtured, trained my soul, to survive independently

I will not succemb to the ways, of those who have been led astray
The sheeps of the changes in times, that follow sin, both night and day

The lack of basic morals lost, like ancient scrolls beneath the past
Replaced by so called freedom to express the inner lust, alas

The ones outcasted now outcast the one's that outcasted the lost
And those now outasted are deemed to be the lost by those who lust

But teachings taught by my parents, will stay protecting me from sin
Like a secret guide my through the darker days, strengthen my chin

To take the knocks, the blows that life should try to deal me, yet stay strong
Ensure my heart sings proudly all that's taught to me, in zealous songs

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Re-Assess

I have decided to remove myself from circles I was in
To take some time to sort myself out, cleanse my spirit from within
I am aware the time is now to make a move, and join the race
Of life in which I've lagged behind, I must make haste, pick up the pace

There's no more time to waste on nothing, No time to procastinate
But study, read and learn I must to improve what I explicate
Regain control of what I think and feel, perceptions of this life
Make up my mind, and gain knowledge, intellectually to survive

Each day I live, I am aware that I am closer to my death
Unsure of when it'll come, or how, dreading the fact I'll have my wreath
So stall in progress is a crime I must no longer here commit
But exercise my mind, train my thoughts till the day I and fate meet

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Return

I'm sorry that I've been away for the past 2 months I have strayed
From what kept me sane in my brain, I wo't let that happen again

I tried to fit in with the world, tried to socialize so I hurled
Myself into some new circles, I felt I shouldn't be fearful

But I still saw the taunting face, the world projects whene'er I place
My perceptions into debates, to which some people can't relate

Slowly I learnt to reign in thoughts, and restrain feelings in my guts
And learnt not everyone will judge, and not to fear, but to go forth

I tried to search for love, but failed, the love from the past's ship has sailed
So now I decide to return, to the cave where my passion burns

To gather my thoughts and prepare, for whatever awaits out there
For me and grow into the man, that I tell the world that I am

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Thoughts...

I stay in the confinements of this prison where I live in
WHere doubts and much discouragemtents cloud all that I believe in
My masks around me polished, it's the world I am decieving
Just to hide the fact that deep within my soul's silently weeping

My soul in constant battle with the demons, fear of sleeping
Lest evil or even the cousin of death trys to creep in
The loss of time and youth I spend all my moments grieving
For shame illuminates my spirit should somebody peep in

I've grown to be the nightmare of my ancestors ahead me
The anomoly of a lineage of hardworkers, descending
Into a dark place where lines of lost souls are lining
At the edge of the cliff of death, above lean vultures flying

I had the chances to improve and utitilize all of my talents
Should have used the opportunities given, sadly I hadn't
Now stray from light my footsteps do, with guilt my soul is saddened
The reminents of my existence dwell on what should've happened

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Complex Thoughts

I do pray not for nothing
But pray I may be something
I fear flames of the fire
My face conceals the liar

That resides deep within me
Hoping the world won't see me
I peep out through the window
The silence clouds the echos

Of screams of terror and fears
The cries, the drops of salt tears
They say the mind is willing
But this one here is weakened

Compressed are all the feelings
The truth of dark thoughts hidden
The self hatred held within
The fumes of fury, breathe in

Self loathe, self contained anger
The empty soul that wanders
The daydreamings, the wonders
An uncertain fate pondered

A smile for the world, seeming
As darkness and pain deepens
For what they don't know in me
Will make them pass by, free me

The steps of death are coming
The times of the end dawning
The voice of reason calling
To break out from this sullen

State of mind, now a prison
It's time the youth is risen
My knees have lost the feeling
Of knowing what is kneeling

My mind has since shunned wisdom
Yet my soul yearns for freedom
From pain that won't go away
Unless, this night, I do pray

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Death Of Youth

I've laid to rest the son, the boy
For who is left is paranoid
Afraid of death, always aware
Through visions that the end is near

I look in the eyes of the son
That once was here and now is gone
Castle of pride, replaced with guilt
Overwhelmed, destroyed what was built

A shallow grave is what they say
But deep within the spirit lays
Beneath the chaos that resides
Inside a soul numb, without pride

The mask I wear is old and dead
But disillusioning instead
The clown that smiles, hides dark secrets
That drains one of peace that depletes

With every memory of what was
Reminded daily one's the cause
I encase the limp corpse of youth
behind a smile that traps the truth

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

...........

Unmoved by life and love, unwanted stuff
The spirit numb, the time moves on
I live in a world born of fear
Wading through clouds, vapours of tears

The mist of pain a salty view
A place where no one can see through
Born anew are thoughts, visions
Confused daydreams, disillusions

I view the world but blind to all
Aware that into pits I fall
No care for what awaits beyond
Still fear grips the soul, moving on

The one they seek is gone and lost
Away for good's all cherished, tossed
Left within a western world, closed
A casket soul, left unopposed

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

He That Is Here

You've tried more than enough for me, there's no point in wasting your breath
For he who you knew is no more, he's gone for good, so save the wreath
For he who is now here is nothing more than a take up of space
An occupant of an accumulation of pain, a disgrace

To what you'd consider a pride, a long line of hard-working folks
Who possess the mentality of certain destinies of work
He who is here is a prisoner of a troubled dark state of mind
Enclosed in a prison of guilt and shame, who's peace is hard to find

He who is here does not believe that existence is all he's worth
The self-esteem is non existent, aimless paths he treads on, forth
The son you had is lost to the world that you had warned him about
And what is left is lower than a beggar, worth less than a tout

So save your energy and breathe, for time is passing him on by
This waste of space and dust and air will lead to tears and make you cry
Carry on with the path you chose and maybe hope for the best, pray
That maybe he that is here now will hopefully find peace one day

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

If I Had The Chance

If I had the chance to tell you, all the things I had to say
I'd call your name once, then I'd tell you just before you walked away
I'm sorry for the pain I caused, during the time I had with you
And all the times I caused you hurt, and for the physical pain too

I know that this might be the only chance I'd get to say these words
And that they tell me time has passed, that it is pointless and absurd
But this is how I really feel, not walls or front to hide the truth
One of the brightest times I had was with you in all of my youth

I've spent the last couple of years wallowed in guilt, pain and regret
I've punished myself, and accepted now my love you might reject
I've spent the time reflecting on the moments that I should have stopped
Taken a moment to control myself before feelings were hurt

I know they'll say to me that was just a time for lessons to learn
But deep inside the passion of my love for you still brightly burns
I am aware that you've moved on, and to me, seem happy with life
And I have searched far and wide for someone I'd hoped would be my wife

But all in vain, and not because they're not suitable for my taste
But the fact that I still love you puts all that effort into waste
So here I stand with you in my presence once again, vulnerable
I do not plead, I do not beg, or yearn for you to enable

Some form of compassion for me, but all I do is tell you what
Has been in my heart for these years, hidden, concealed and left to rot
I still love you, "_________ _______", that's all I can tell you right now
For what it's worth, if it's worth naught, then I am freed within somehow

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Letting Go

I fear the act of letting go
Of fears and guilt within my soul
I fear the fact that moving on
Will mean these memories will be gone

I hold on tight with all my might
To something I can not make right
But I can not ignore that voice
Telling me to make the right choice

Am I more of a man should I
Let future bad words pass me by?
Will I be fully healed, relaxed
Should I let go of such a past?

The crossroads find me here again
Contemplating paths in my brain
Let go of fear, I tell myself
Restore your heart to it's full health

Copyright © 2010 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Ready

With a direction and foresight, I can break free and now take flight
Arise from all my fears and plight, break free from chains with all my might

With focus i face things head on, assure myself to get things done
My spirit rigid and mind strong, my soul at peace, my heart is one

Short is the path I walk but still, I stay the course with a strong zeal
Mind in control, fight all I feel, until I've completed His Will

Copyright © 2009 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

This World...

What kind of world do we live in where little kids are now killing
What kind of girls are we seeing that have no self respect within

What kind of mentality does one have to want to glorify evil
Why does the world ignore the poor, like they're non-existent people

There's no escape from pain out there, The world is cold, and no one cares
No real interest on how you fare, but laughs with all your fears laid bare

Copyright © 2009 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Eleventh Hour Reality

At the eleventh hour I awake from procastination
Been weary of the future and my final destination
But I know now it's imnent that I face these tribulations
For there's no way out, so I must muster determination

The slumber was prolonged, body weakened from the sinning
And no longer in me, myself and I did I believe in
I wasn't always like this I recall from the beginning
But cut I was and life experiences made the wounds deepen

The sun is up, the world is moving, now I must endeavour
To face my fears, ditch the worries, and rectify my errors
No looking in the past or worrying 'bout what happened before
Must face the ugly truth that rears it's head when I face mirrors

No suicidal thoughts that prance around in drowned depression
Untangle my soul from the grasps and grips of sin's possession
Must free my mind from worldly temporary wants, obsessions
And take the first step out of this subliminal suppression

Copyright © 2009 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Protect From You

Although I'm vulnerable inside
I hold on dearly to my pride
For past experience let me know
My true feelings don't need to show

So despite yearnings to expose
My feelings that you once disposed
I keep them safe and far from you
Though deep inside I'm hurting through

There's no point trying to sort things out
Those days are gone, and time ran out
Why should I even care to ask
If you are well, that's such a task

A waste of time for me to do
Logic diverts my thoughts from you
So keep your words, unneeded here
And don't pretend to me you care

Copyright © 2009 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

I've Learnt

I've learnt to watch the ones I love
Depart from me, once here, now gone
The pain is deep, the times are rough
But nothing I can do, it's done

I've learnt to watch them walk away
So many options day by day
I've learnt to grit my teeth inside
My fears, pain and sadness, I hide

I've learnt to live bound by the guilt
Within the walls 'round me I built
Protected from future heartache
When heartache is the breath I take

I've learnt to numb the pulsating
pain in my chest, that strong throbbing
I've learnt to sometimes shut my mouth
Whenever my thoughts are in doubt

I've learnt that I have no control
Over a thing, not even my soul
And above all these things I know
I've learnt the hard way to let go

I've learnt experience teaches best
I've learnt this life is but a test
I've learnt though the past leaves one burnt
Somewhere there is a lesson learnt

Copyright © 2009 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Don't Follow My Heart

We never really sorted out the issues stuck between us
Rotten decomposed is the aura that'd have freed us
The world of relationships now no longer needs us
The marriage, the couple to be, that would've been us

You say that you're happy, and I conceal feelings for you
Pretend to be numb, though a part in here yearns for you
But thoughts, logic implemented reminding me of you
Steers me from emotional attachment, I'm free from you

Or is it really freedom if you lie about you feelings?
The mask of a clown now the face, inside you're reeling
From memories and inner guilt continuously peeling
Away at the walls around your heart, eating the healing

They say follow your heart, but I've strayed from it's path
It lead me down the road of pain, misery and wrath
So now I walk through the bushes of more certain uncertainty
I do the maths in my brain, so stronger now mentally

Copyright © 2009 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Preparation

Can't be distracted in this phase of hibernation
Rid of distractions, I'm deep in concentration
A time to grow inside, train my body and my mind
Reading and lifting and thinking then unwind

Searching for the truth, analyzing all I find
Buried in my books, I was taught since I was nine
Away from the public, I'm withdrawing from that limelight
Improving on my body, making sure I've got my mind right

Years that I've wasted, making sure they're all made up for
Food for thought tasted, learning from my Saviour
Ensuring I'm ahead and aware of all the evil
Removing all the scales from my eyes so I can see through

The ways of the wicked, deceit and intentions
Think twice before I act, or my thoughts are mentioned
Not solitary confinement, or a long term detention
Ready for improvement, an overdue reinvention

Copyright © 2009 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Hibernation

So now it's time that I extraxct myself from the front row, retract
My woes of depression, face facts, that recently I have sidetracked
It's now the time to hibernate, Avoid distractions, concentrate
Work on my dreams, and seal my fate, No time to waste, no time to wait

Copyright © 2009 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Not Ready

Why is it now that others show, attention like no tomorrow
When is it when I'm unprepared, that others want to show they care
I'm in no mind to be attached, and not prepared to be a catch
I'm just trying now to hold back, taking things slow, watching my tracks

Copyright © 2009 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)