Desire To Be Needed

It's scary to be separated from the outside world
To feel rejected, and like out of circles you've been hurled
To be misunderstood and not be taken how you meant
And then to look back at all of the wasted time you've spent

How can I take a journey alone in this heartless place
That's ridden with the evil thoughts and words of human race
How can one not contemplate exiting without a trace
Return to dust so as not to be such a waste of space

A need to feel wanted and loved, a thought I can't deny
Despite the coldness I portray, it shows within my eyes
A hope that one out of the lot will see beyond the flesh
And not to judge one on the past so one can start afresh

Copyright © 2012 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Still Holding On

Still hiding what I really feel
Still won't reveal what I've concealed
What has been buried deep inside
Still behind curtains, my soul hides

Still fearing what the world will say
Still broken that it's gone away
Still holding back the tears within
Still feel so lonely, holding in

The memories from where I'd been
The best I had, or'd ever seen
Still reflecting on the good times
Still feel emotions, now confined

In walls and barriers to protect
My heart from reject or neglect
Still deep inside false hope's aflame
That someday I'll be free from shame

Copyright © 2012 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Unfinished Poem

Am I ready for relationships?
Take it further than just casually?
Am I fearful that step might be steep?
Do I really want to swim that deep?

Know that time is running out for me
Death is awaiting me patiently
Don't have difficulty meeting them
Just the whole process of filtering

Copyright © 2012 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Live or Bereave

I can sit and just wallow in some self pity
I can shed tears that I've harboured welling up in me
Accumulation of the wrongdoings embodied
Sympathy and forgiveness, feel there's none for me

Deepest fears lie in a box I can't throw away
The memories seem more and more distant day by day
Sometimes I wish deep inside that she would have stayed
And somehow the demons would have gone away

It's been almost 5 years since I saw her face
And in that amount of time so much here has changed
I have watched my existence to her erase
And it won't mean a thing if I changed my ways

But I can't sit here in my cave watching the world go by
Without getting the experience to go and life my life
For if I stay hewre all I'll ever have to ask is why
The choice to live or stay bereaved is what I shall decide

Copyright © 2012 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)

Discouraged

I walk and tread on through this life
Whilst peers get married, husbands, wives
I search for what I know not yet
Dragging behind me pain, regrets

The world seems surreal more each day
Far from the paths set, I have strayed
Retracting from a world I thought
I could venture to, now I'm lost

As I observe peers progress on
Downcast is my heart, all hope gone
For inner strength fails me again
Discouragement's all that remains

Copyright © 2012 Anthony Phillips (DUNTEE)